God As a Computer Programmer

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?

A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.

 

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?

A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise, things can wait until tomorrow.

 

Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?

A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we're in the maintenance phase.

 

Q: Who is Satan?

A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so nonprogrammers become scared of him. God thinks he's irritating but irrelevant.

 

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?

A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

 

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?

A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

 

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?

A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

 

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?

A: They are much more likely to receive email.

 

Hllarious one!!!

J

An elderly woman goes to the doctor.
She says, "Doc, I'm undergoing through a terrible mental trauma - I pass gas all the time!!!
Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell."
The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a वीक.
The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week.
She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better। I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"

The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage। Now we'll have to work on your hearing."

Take a Chill Pill

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
3. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.
4. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!
5. Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
6. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!
9. Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!
10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal NehruWe should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???
12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…
13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.Which makes it a logical statement that90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!Piyo Sar Utha Ke!